{"id":42046,"date":"2022-11-05T10:48:45","date_gmt":"2022-11-05T14:48:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/?p=42046"},"modified":"2022-11-05T10:48:48","modified_gmt":"2022-11-05T14:48:48","slug":"should-statements","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/should-statements\/","title":{"rendered":"What\u2019s Wrong With Using Should Statements? And How to Reframe and Overcome Them"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_65 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title \" >Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/should-statements\/#What_are_Should_Statements\" title=\"What are Should Statements?&nbsp;\">What are Should Statements?&nbsp;<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/should-statements\/#How_Can_Should_Statements_Affect_You\" title=\"How Can Should Statements Affect You?&nbsp;\">How Can Should Statements Affect You?&nbsp;<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/should-statements\/#How_to_Reframe_Should_Statements\" title=\"How to Reframe Should Statements\">How to Reframe Should Statements<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/should-statements\/#1_Apply_cognitive_behavioral_therapy\" title=\"1. Apply cognitive behavioral therapy.\">1. Apply cognitive behavioral therapy.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/should-statements\/#2_Monitor_your_negative_thoughts_feelings_and_the_situation_that_caused_them\" title=\"2. Monitor your negative thoughts, feelings, and the situation that caused them.&nbsp;\">2. Monitor your negative thoughts, feelings, and the situation that caused them.&nbsp;<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/should-statements\/#3_Reduce_your_anxiety_using_positive_coping_skills\" title=\"3. Reduce your anxiety using positive coping skills.\">3. Reduce your anxiety using positive coping skills.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/should-statements\/#Final_Thoughts\" title=\"Final Thoughts&nbsp;\">Final Thoughts&nbsp;<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n<p>It\u2019s good to make plans. Plans give you a sense of direction and purpose. But because life is constantly changing, it\u2019s also important to have a flexible mindset so that you can cope when things fall apart.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, some people have a tendency to use \u201cshould statements\u201d which may lead to guilt and frustration when circumstances are not in their favor. If you\u2019re often using should statements, you might be dealing with a faulty thinking pattern.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP\/\/\/yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-Pinterest.jpg\" alt=\"What\u2019s Wrong With Using Should Statements? And How to Reframe and Overcome Them\" class=\"wp-image-42051 lazyload\" width=\"400\" height=\"600\"\/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-Pinterest.jpg\" alt=\"What\u2019s Wrong With Using Should Statements? And How to Reframe and Overcome Them\" class=\"wp-image-42051 lazyload\" width=\"400\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-Pinterest.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-Pinterest-300x450.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-Pinterest-750x1125.jpg 750w, https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-Pinterest-150x225.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-Pinterest-768x1152.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-Pinterest-480x720.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/noscript><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">What\u2019s Wrong With Using Should Statements? And How to Reframe and Overcome Them<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What_are_Should_Statements\"><\/span>What are Should Statements?&nbsp;<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In psychology, should statements are a cognitive distortion or negative thinking pattern that fuels feelings of anxiety. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/distorted-thinking-and-cognitive-distortions\/\">Other cognitive distortions<\/a> include black-or-white thinking, emotional reasoning, and mental filtering.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.frontiersin.org\/articles\/10.3389\/fpsyt.2019.00971\/full\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Studies show<\/a> that these negative thought patterns are prominent in people who are depressed. However, it can also play a role in the development of anxious and depressive symptoms, as shown by a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cambridge.org\/core\/journals\/behavioural-and-cognitive-psychotherapy\/article\/abs\/associations-between-cognitive-errors-and-mental-health-status-in-new-zealand-adolescents\/547EE1C44699DC4D52A06AE533C0D9E6\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">2019 study<\/a> that was done on adolescents aged 16-18 years.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can spot someone using should statements by the way the person talks. For example, you might hear yourself or a friend say:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>I should arrive early for the interview.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I should be more mindful of how I spend my time.&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I should overcome my fear of heights.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I should lose weight by the end of the month.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Notice that these statements have good intentions behind them. What makes them problematic is how they\u2019re expressed. Should statements can be unrealistic expectations that put unnecessary pressure on a person\u2019s life. And when these goals aren\u2019t met, you might think that you\u2019ve failed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_Can_Should_Statements_Affect_You\"><\/span>How Can Should Statements Affect You?&nbsp;<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Should statements and other cognitive distortions warp your perception of reality. They take a toll on your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/mental-health-awareness\/\">mental health<\/a> and well-being.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Try this for example: Imagine yourself using should statements on a typical day. <em>I should clean the house. I should complete my to-do list. My plumber set an appointment today, so he should show up. I should get dinner ready before 6:00 pm.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Is this stressing you out already?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, try to see what happens when you don\u2019t follow through on what you set out to do. <em>You weren\u2019t able to clean the house because a friend who badly needed your help called. You completed only one thing on your to-do list. The plumber didn\u2019t show up. You weren\u2019t able to cook dinner at all and instead opted for takeout.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How would this make you feel? Frustrated? Lazy? Like a failure? Disappointed in others?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As you can tell, should statements fail to consider the fact that circumstances \u2014 and even people \u2014 change anytime. Should statements come off as strict rules that need to be followed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe class=\"lazyload\" title=\"Should Statements. How they are making you feel like crap.\" width=\"1170\" height=\"658\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ARbk-NE2otg?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Should Statements. How they are making you feel like crap. Courtesy, YouTube.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_to_Reframe_Should_Statements\"><\/span>How to Reframe Should Statements<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Replacing should statements with more realistic and positive language starts with becoming aware of your own thought patterns. Learn to recognize and eliminate them from your life using the tips below.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Apply_cognitive_behavioral_therapy\"><\/span>1. Apply cognitive behavioral therapy.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Cognitive behavioral <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link \" data-wpil=\"url\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/category\/therapy\/\" title=\"therapy\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">therapy<\/a> or CBT is a proven treatment for various mental illnesses, including thinking errors. It helps us gain an understanding of how our thoughts, feelings, and actions are interrelated, as depicted by the <a href=\"https:\/\/mentalhealthcenterkids.com\/blogs\/articles\/cbt-triangle\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">CBT triangle<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/ptsd-guideline\/patients-and-families\/cognitive-behavioral\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The American Psychological Association mentions<\/a> that CBT helps you to reevaluate wrong thoughts in light of reality. Aaron T. Beck, the father of cognitive therapy, states:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cCognitive therapy seeks to alleviate psychological stresses by correcting faulty conceptions and self-signals. By correcting erroneous beliefs we can lower excessive reactions.\u201d&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In fact, CBT can be an effective tool for dealing with everyday stress through different techniques like relaxation and stress management.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Monitor_your_negative_thoughts_feelings_and_the_situation_that_caused_them\"><\/span>2. Monitor your negative thoughts, feelings, and the situation that caused them.&nbsp;<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Anytime negative feelings arise, take note of them, the automatic thought in your mind, and the situation that triggered that thought. This is a simple exercise that takes only 5-10 minutes to complete, and it will help you catch should statements so you can start changing them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unless you\u2019re seeing a therapist who has provided you with a thought record, you can create your own using a blank sheet of paper or notebook. Include the following sections:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>Day\/time<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Situation\/Trigger&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Emotion<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Automatic thought<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Alternative helpful thought<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Be sure to fill out these details, especially the alternate thought to reframe your should statement. For example, instead of \u201cI SHOULD complete my to-do list\u201d you can write, \u201cI WOULD LIKE TO complete my to-do list.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This alternative thought is more likely to encourage and motivate you. It expresses your desire to accomplish a goal, but at the same time acknowledges the possibility of change.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Reduce_your_anxiety_using_positive_coping_skills\"><\/span>3. Reduce your anxiety using positive coping skills.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re feeling anxious due to the demands you\u2019ve placed on yourself, practice these coping strategies in addition to reframing your thoughts:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/breathing-exercises-for-mental-health\/\"><strong>Do breathing exercises<\/strong><\/a><strong>. <\/strong>Spend a few minutes focusing only on your breathing. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Taking deep breaths for anxiety relief is based on science. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.health.harvard.edu\/mind-and-mood\/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">It has been shown<\/a> to slow down your heartbeat and promote full oxygen exchange.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Encourage yourself through positive affirmations.<\/strong> Affirmations such as \u201cI hold myself in a state of compassion\u201d and \u201cMy goal is wisdom, not perfection\u201d allow you to face life\u2019s inevitabilities with a positive attitude.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Schedule worry time. <\/strong>This technique involves assigning a specific time of the day for you to work through your anxious thoughts. Rather than dwelling on a negative thought the entire day (for example, not getting something done) put it off until later in the day \u2014 for example, 5:00 pm but not close to bedtime. By not dwelling on anxiety, you can stay productive and peaceful.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Final_Thoughts\"><\/span>Final Thoughts&nbsp;<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Should statements impact your <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link \" data-wpil=\"url\" href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/category\/mental-health\/\" title=\"mental health\" data-wpil-keyword-link=\"linked\">mental health<\/a> by making you feel as if you\u2019ve accomplished nothing when things don\u2019t go according to plan. Get rid of the \u201cshoulds\u201d by embracing the reality that life is not perfect.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cI will be patient with myself as I develop into the person I am meant to be. Being perfect is not the goal. Continuing to grow in a positive direction is the goal.\u201d \u2014 Unknown<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Furthermore, apply self-help cognitive behavioral therapy or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/betterhelp-counseling-review\/\" data-type=\"post\" data-id=\"19274\">see a therapist<\/a> if you have trouble letting go of negative thinking despite having practiced the strategies in this article. With professional guidance, you might be able to understand yourself better and learn new skills to handle daily challenges.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<section class=\"wp-block-uagb-section uagb-section__wrap uagb-section__background-color uagb-block-540ad93d\"><div class=\"uagb-section__overlay\"><\/div><div class=\"uagb-section__inner-wrap\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-uagb-call-to-action uagb-block-73105e3b wp-block-button\"><div class=\"uagb-cta__wrap\"><h5 class=\"uagb-cta__title\">Private Practice  with No Overhead and No Shortage of Clients.<br><\/h5><p class=\"uagb-cta__desc\">Join\u00a0the more than 34,000 full and part-time therapists who are earning more with BetterHelp! Supplement your income, or build your own practice from scratch. Bonuses &amp; Incentives for High Performers! <strong>Sponsored Advertisement<\/strong><\/p><\/div><div class=\"uagb-cta__buttons\"><a href=\"https:\/\/hasofferstracking.betterhelp.com\/aff_c?offer_id=20&amp;aff_id=1614\" class=\"uagb-cta__button-link-wrapper wp-block-button__link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Join BetterHelp<\/a><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In psychology, should statements are a cognitive distortion or negative thinking pattern that fuels feelings of anxiety.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":99,"featured_media":42052,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","ub_ctt_via":"","_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[781],"tags":[869,789,28,878,30,870],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"Michael Vallejo","author_link":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/author\/mvallejo\/"},"modified_by":"Randy Withers, LCMHC","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements.jpg",800,450,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-150x84.jpg",150,84,true],"medium":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-300x169.jpg",300,169,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-768x432.jpg",768,432,true],"large":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-750x422.jpg",750,422,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements.jpg",800,450,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements.jpg",800,450,false],"tiny":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements.jpg",60,34,false],"thumbnail-medium":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-480x384.jpg",480,384,true],"thumbnail-square":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-480x450.jpg",480,450,true],"thumbnail-portrait":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-480x450.jpg",480,450,true],"thumbnail-large":["https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Should-Statements-720x450.jpg",720,450,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Michael Vallejo","author_link":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/author\/mvallejo\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"In psychology, should statements are a cognitive distortion or negative thinking pattern that fuels feelings of anxiety.","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42046"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/99"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42046"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42046\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/42052"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42046"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42046"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.blunt-therapy.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42046"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}